Overcoming Fear, Doubt, and Self-Confidence: Embracing the Best Instead of Settling for the Familiar

Fear, doubts, and lack of confidence in ourselves make us reject the very best in favor of what is familiar and understandable, even if it is already knocking on our doorstep, ready to come in.

I’m an example of this myself. When I needed another car, a friend offered me his Jaguar — he was just about to sell it. Everything fit my needs perfectly, but at the same time, I began to be overwhelmed by the thought: “Where am I, and where is a Jaguar?”

And my brain began to provide confirmations: “I’m a nomad, I have no ties, not just to the city, but to the country. I even sometimes sleep in the car because of the long travels”.

But my answer seemed very fortunate to him: “I have a different budget”.

And, to my horror, after asking the amount I planned to spend, my friend said: “I’ll give it to you for that money.”

I had to admit that I felt I wasn’t up to it — both to myself and to him. A car eventually came into my life that fit me perfectly. But what if…

Another example: my friend refused to build a relationship with a wonderful man — let’s call him Paul.

“How’s Paul doing?” — I once asked her.

“Paul is awesome, but I don’t know… I’m not comfortable…”

“0_о”

“I’m not up to him, you know?!”

“Does Paul feel the same way?”

“He didn’t say that.”

“0_о???”

“I feel like he’ll eventually leave. It’s better if I do it first, end it now so it won’t hurt!”

“0_о????!!!!”

But what if…

This is how my clients in career therapy try to avoid interviews for high-level positions.

“You’re kidding, I’m not even going to apply to company N!” they say.

But these people come to me, and after kicking them to apply.

And guess what? In 60% of cases, they succeed.

And then comes the familiar fear: “I won’t be able to handle it…”

“So come to me with questions,” and I wait for them.

That’s how we worked with a tech lead who became a scrum master. We just systematically planned out his actions for entering the position, communicating with the team, conducting 1:1s, scrum events, and configuring JIRA — because the whole path seemed long and unclear, but each step is achievable when taken separately.

And, of course, he did it. And what if…

I know you liked the story about my client who was considering becoming a monk but instead overcame the fear and took on the coolest role. A few weeks ago, he came to me with a new request: “Everything is going great for me, and I’m ready to do much more here. Let’s work together?”

And he came not from a place of deficiency, but abundance. So, what if…